Furry Folk - Part 27 LAST EPISODE

It has been a long and eventful journey, but now Jack has joined the Furry Freedom Force and is racing with them to take on the sinister villain who controls furry crime in Dublin.

The vans sped off towards the Lion's den. Underneath the camel suit, Jack felt nervous, wondering if he was going to make it back in one piece, wondering if he had the guts to do what had to be done. He looked at the other furries in the back of the van with him. They looked calm and ready for anything. But of course, he could not see their faces. Behind the fur, they could be as worried as he was.

He looked at his gun. It would probably be a good idea to get an idea how it worked before the shooting started, but it all seemed so complicated. The rabbit beside him noticed his puzzlement.

"Never handled an AK 47 before?" she asked.

"No, can't say I have", he answered.

"There's not much to it", the Rabbit said. "That’s the whole beauty of them. This here is the most important bit". Her paws fell on a switch, which she clicked first one way, and then another. "That's the safety catch. Keep it back like that when you're with friends in a situation like now. That avoids any nasty accidents. When the shooting starts, flick it forward first. Otherwise you won't be able to shoot anything".

"That wouldn’t be too good".

"No, certainly not. This lad here is another thing you need to know about. But the switch here, the gun is in fully automatic mode. That means that if you pull the trigger, the bullets will keep coming out until you let go the trigger or the magazine empties. But put it like this, it's only in semi-automatic mode. When you pull the trigger it only fires once. You want to fire another round, you have to release the trigger and then pull it again".

"Which is best?"

"Well", said the Rabbit, "It depends how much ammunition you have. How much ammunition do you have?"

"Just what’s in the gun".

"Stick to semi-automatic".

"Thanks", said Jack. Looking around, he noticed that Jane was similarly familiarising herself with her weapon, while another furry was, with difficulty, dissuading Anto from playing with his rocket launcher in the enclosed space of the van's interior.

"Quiet in the back, lads!" came a voice from the front of the cab. "We're just coming up to the gates".

The cab slowed and halted. Jack thought that maybe he could just about hear the automatic gate opening, and then the van started moving again. This is it, he thought.

"OK lads!" said the Fox. "Here we go. You all know the drill. Eh, apart from you three, so I'd better run it by you. When we reach the house, we go in fast and fan out quickly, looking for the Lion. If you find him, bring him down to the Panda immediately. Don't shoot anyone unless you have to, but if you do, kill them. Anyone else you meet, disarm them and make them lie on the floor".

The van slowed to a halt. The driver knocked twice on the partition wall.

"This is it! Go! Go! Go!"

The furries leapt out of their van, joining the others who were doing the same. The house's door was already open, and a bewildered looking sheep was standing there with his paws up as the first FFFers were already rushing over to him.

"Down! Down!" barked a Triple F in a dogsuit, waving his gun wildly so the sheep got the point. He crouched on the ground, front paws over his head. Other FFFers took up firing positions protecting the front of the house from the direction of their approach. The Fox led the rest of the squad inside, Jack, Anto, and Jane among them, Anto's dog running alongside him gamely.

"Split up! Move fast!" ordered the Fox. The others complied. Jack found himself with Anto, Jane, and the Rabbit moving through the ground floor of the house. He had been blindfolded when he was here before, but he had the sense that his feet were guiding him back to where he had been interviewed by the Lion. As they moved along, they kicked open doors, quickly checking the rooms for occupants. At this stage, the Lion was probably unaware that his house was under attack, so there was no need to search for him – if he was in a room, he would be there in plain sight.

Then things changed. A shot rang out from somewhere else in the house, somewhere above them from the sound of things. Then a burst of automatic gunfire. Then more shots. Right. If the Lion was downstairs, he would know something was up now.

In amongst the spasmodic shooting, Jack realised that he could hear something else. It was music, but music so saccharine and repulsive that it bore only the most notional relationship to what many would consider the highest of the arts.

"Do you hear that?" he whispered to Jane.

"Yes", she answered. "It sounds like…" She trailed off, unable to place the awfulness of what she was hearing. Jane had spent her life thus far seeking out far better kinds of music and avoiding the aural pap she was hearing now. Being forced to listen to it created a strange form of cognitive dissonance within her. In form this was music, with melody, timbre, and rhythm, but it was music of a uniquely dreadful kind. There was something wrong with a world that permitted such things to exist.

"What is this brutal music?" inquired Anto.

"Westlife", said the Rabbit. "It's Westlife".

"I was here before", said Jack. "The Lion was listening to Westlife. Where that music is, so is he".

"Let's go get the fucker!" said Anto, leading them on down a corridor towards the sickening sounds they were hearing.

A door ahead of them opened, and a chipmunk-suited fellow came out. "What the hell's going on? Who the fuck are you?" he asked. The music was noticeably louder now, clearly coming from the room behind him.

"Freeze!" shouted the Rabbit, sounding very scary and waving her gun at him. "You are a prisoner of the Furry Freedom Force!"

"Like hell I am!" shouted back the Chipmunk. He had a pistol by his side and he loosed off a couple of shots at them before jumping back behind the door and slamming it shut. His shots missed, as did the couple of bullets the Rabbit squirted off in his vague direction.

"We've got to go through that door", said the Rabbit. "We can't leave him free there".

"And the Lion could be there too", said Jane.

"But they'll be waiting for us", said the Rabbit, steely determination in her voice. "We may not all come back from this. Are you ready for this?"

"Let's do this" said Jane.

"Let's roll" said Jack, trying to sound like he was more up for it than he was.

"Let's even the fucking odds!" said Anto, firing off his rocket at the Chipmunk's door. It blasted through the door and then exploded on the other side. Anto was already running forward, the others close behind, kicking in the door and surveying the damage beyond, using the Luger as a weapon now that he had shot his bolt with the rocket launcher. The Chipmunk was now a bloody mess on the floor, the room generally was looking rather charred, and the infernal music had stopped.

"Result!" said Jack.

This was the room in which he had met the Lion, or what was left of it, but the Lion was not there. No one was apart from the charred Chipmunk. The Lion had clearly been here, and been here recently – the table by his sofa boasted some half-drunk cocktails.

"Come on!" said Jack, leading the others to another door that led from the room. Running over to it, he slipped the switch that changed his gun into fully automatic mode. This was no time for aimed shots. The door opened back towards them, and he pulled it back open while the Rabbit and Jane waited to blast anyone on the other side who fancied a go. But there was no one there in what seemed to be a large and elegant dining room.

They moved into the room carefully, conscious that it presented them with many nooks and crannies from which an ambush could be sprung, and that the room had several doorways through which the Lion could have escaped or more of his minions could appear. Their next step was not immediately obvious, when they were suddenly faced with the Lion's two humans of restricted growth. These two tiny balls of malevolence leaped out from behind an antique grandfather clock and rushed shrieking at Jack, each wielding what looked like a meat cleaver. Fortunately for Jack, their diminutive size put them at something of a disadvantage, and he was able to dodge one and kick the other in the face, knocking him directly into unconsciousness. He did not feel good about treating such a small fellow with such violence, but he did not fancy having his leg half cut off by its blade. The other dwarf Anto clubbed with his Luger, bending down to smash her head hard. She too was out for the count.

"Poor little fuckers", said Anto. He seemed genuinely sorry for the two they had just knocked out.

"Our quarrel is not with them", said Jane, her Marxist sentiments surfacing, "but with their master. Now let's find him and bring this to an end".

"Which way?" said Jack, indicating the three untried doors at their disposal.

"Each one in turn", answered the Rabbit. "And quickly! We'll see which one looks like it leads somewhere interesting".

Anto opened the first door, while Jack covered behind them and the other two pointed their machine guns through into the other side. A shotgun blasted back at them, suggesting that this route showed promise.

"Jesus!" said the Rabbit. She'd been hit in the shoulder. Jane blasted off a burst from whence the shot came. Jack came around to give supporting fire, looking down into a back corridor. It was the Lion's bloodhound retainer who had shot the Rabbit. He was now slumped against the wall, his gun on the ground beside him, having taken a couple of Jane's bullets himself.

"Anto! Stay with the Rabbit!" shouted Jane. "Get her outside if you can. Jack! Come on!" The Rabbit had slumped to the floor. The dog sniffed at her worriedly.

Jane was already moving into the short corridor. Jack followed. Something crashed to the floor ahead of them. Jane broke into a run, and then crouched as she moved from the corridor into a large kitchen area. Several furries (in what looked suspiciously like rat suits) held their hand up and cowered in a terrified manner.

"The Lion! Where's the Lion?" shouted Jane.

"They went through there", said one of the rats, pointing. "They're going to the bunker".

"We've got to catch them!" said Jack. "Once they get into the bunker, they can hold out forever".

"Get down on the floor!" shouted Jane to the rats, firing a burst over their head to show she meant business. "Now!" The rats complied, and Jack and Jane left them to run after their quarry. From elsewhere in the house came the sound of explosions and more gunfire. This was really going down.

They were in another corridor. From an alcove up ahead, a furry figure leaned out and let of a shot at them from a pistol, before ducking under cover. It was Inspector Scratcher of the Furry Squad.

"Give me covering fire, Jack", whispered Jane. "I'm going to take him out".

Jane crept forward while Jack squeezed off short bursts in the direction of the Pig's alcove, hoping that he would not accidentally hit her. He stopped firing as she sprinted to cover the last stretch, turning the corner and blasting off with her gun.

"He's gone! Come on Jack, this is the entrance to bunker! The door is closing, we've got to get in there before they seal themselves in!" She disappered into the alcove as Jack ran to catch up. The alcove hid a narrow stairwell, down which Jane was bounding. At the end was a heavy looking door (looking not unlike the door to a lift), a door that was slowly closing. Jack raced down after her as Jane leapt through the narrowing gap. Jack just made it through behind her, the doors closing behind him.

Once through, he wished that maybe he had chosen discretion over valour. Jane was standing there, her gun making ominous clicking noises while the Pig, the Lion, and his two lionesses all stood there pointing pistols at her and now him.

"Drop your weapons!" shouted Jack, brandishing the Kalashnikov, hoping that a show of front would decide things in his favour. In this he was to be cruelly mistaken.

"I know that voice!" said the Lion. "Mr Devlin! How good of you to join us! Your friend here seems to have run out of bullets. Now, be a good fellow and put your gun down".

"No, you drop your weapons, or I'll mow you down!" said Jack. He tried to sound intimidating, but his voice betrayed how terrified he was. "It's over. The Furry Freedom Force are all over your house. Give up now and appeal for clemency!"

"I think not, Mr Devlin", replied the Lion. "I think it is over for you and your friend here. I can see by the way you hold that weapon that you are not too skilled in its use. If you try to use it then we will cut down you and your friend here. And don't expect any help from your fanatical friends outside. This bunker is proof against a low level nuclear attack. They will never get in to save you. And I'm afraid they are the ones that have problems now".

"Yes, Mr Devlin", continued Inspector Scratcher. "I've put a call into the Furry Squad. The SWAT team is on its way. Your friends look pretty tough, but I don't think they stand much of a chance against tanks and helicopter gunships".

"Do it Jack!" said Jane. "Kill him".

"Shut it!" snapped the Lion, suddenly shooting her in the leg with his revolver. She fell to the ground.

"Drop the gun!" shouted the Lion to Jack. "Do you want me to finish her off? Do you want me to see how many shots I can fire into her before she dies?"

"I think you'd better put the gun down", said the Pig, quietly, playing the good cop.

"Alright", said Jack. He slowly put the gun down on the ground, and then stood back up with his hands up. "Now what?"

"Well Mr Devlin", said the Lion, "Now I think I will kill you. I will wait here for the Furry Squad to come and exterminate your friends, and then I will resume my reign as master of furry crime. I'll have your friend here patched up, and then I will put her to work – down the Furry Glen!" The Lion laughed triumphantly. His allies laughed along with him.

"I don't think so!"

It was Jane. From where she was crouched on the floor, she was able to grab the AK 47, squeeze the trigger, and blindly spray it at the Lion and his associates. They all took bullets in their legs, at just around ankle height, and fell to the ground screaming. Jack was on them in a thrice, taking their pistols and punching the Lion and the Pig in the face so that they would experience a more balanced pain environment.

The floor was now turning into a lake of blood. Someone had been hit somewhere you do not want to take a bullet. It was the Lion. Blood was pouring out of him.

"Oh God, help me, I think she hit an artery" he said, in a frankly pathetic voice that contrasted greatly with his smug tone of only moments before.

"Sorry pal", said Jack, "My secretary here has been hurt bad too, and I've got to get her to a doctor. No time to help you, I'm afraid".

"You'll never get away with this!" said the Pig. "The Furry Squad will hunt you down. I'll see to that".

"You won't see to anything", said Jack, as he shot the Pig in the head. He did the same with the Lion. It all seemed unreal, like someone else had said that and done the shooting. Then he turned his attention to the door. Once he figured out how to start it opening, he hoisted up Jane, and supported her out of the room.

"Goodbye, ladies" he said to the two Lionesses.

And that, basically, was that. The FFF squad regrouped at the entrance. The Panda was sorry not to be able to dispense justice to the Lion himself, but he took satisfaction from his furry reign of terror being at an end. The FFFers made their escape before the Furry Squad reinforcements arrived, confident that with their paymaster and commander dead they would have no further interest in pursuing them. Jack was rewarded handsomely by the Panda, and he took great satisfaction from seeing his secretary make a full recovery. It would be touching to say that the experience threw Jack and Jane together romantically, but this did not happen. Instead, she and Anto became involved, united by their shared experience of danger and a love of small dogs. Jack did start seeing the Furry Freedom Force Rabbit (who, unfortunately, largely lost the use of her left arm), and as part of their courtship he found himself donning the camel suit many times more, but that is a whole other story.

THE END

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